Feeling like I Don't know whats going on in my head

So, I'm an 18 year old girl that doesn't understand what is going on in my head I mean who does. I feel like I need something to do. Something that will give me something to want to do every day. I mean when I was working i guess i had that to look forward too, but at the same time i really didn't have any time for me. Now i have way to much time with nothing to do in it. I know that my parents want me to get a job and i know that i want money again but its hard to find a job in this day an age. I mean more and more people are working after what used to be retirement age. Now they work at Mcd's and Timmys and place that i would/should be able to get work, but i cant. I cant even find a place that is really looking.

later

Boredom

You know when your just so bored that you don't know what to do? Well that is how I'm feeling right now. I mean its the end of Christmas break and I'm kinda looking forward to going back to school. I mean i know the guy i just met doesn't go to our school but at least at school i have things to take my mind off of him. He is just so nice and funny and sweet and i dunno just an overall guy who you could tell anything to and not be scared of what he would say. And yet i still hide in the dark. Then again i hide in the dark so much that its kinda hard to tell when I'm not hiding, but this guy makes me feel carefree. Like I'm not hiding the fact that i haven't had a good nights rest in weeks or that my depression is sometimes getting the better  of me. I feel like i can just relax and be a teen. Not the girl who is trying to fight the depression she feels everyday.

Well rant over and to tell the truth i could care less if anyone reads this.

Talking

I went to see someone today with my sisters and we talked about things that have been happening in my life and how it is effecting all of our lives. It seems I'm still very good at hurting people. I think that is all I'm good at. I mean look at my track record. Its not very good. I guess its just who I am. And you know what I don't even want to change it. If its who I am then I'm going to flaunt it.

Later people

Dog Sitting

Just saying it reminds me that i no longer have a dog to call my own. Yes i am watching a dog for the week but that doesn't make her my dog. This dog is small and round. My dog was big and strong and everything i needed. I find my self moving boyfriend to boyfriend looking for some one who can be that person for me but what i think i really need is a new dog who can be my friend. I am try so hard to put my doggy in the past but she was the only one i could really talk to. I mean she was the first person to know about my depression, first one to knew i cut, first one to hear me cry, first one to be there for me. I really want to bring her back but i know that she is safe and sound where every she is. And i know just like the other people i have lost is always watching me. I guess i should try to talk about what i wanted to anyway.

The Dog i am watching is very lazies i mean she sleeps like all day and then even at night as well how does she do it. I think its cuz of her age, but then again i don't even know how old she is. Oh well.

Later people.

Summer

Hello,

I am writing again. I find myself in a weird mood. I don't know how I feel. I mean I'm happy with the guy I am with but at the same time I really like this other guy and I don't know what I want. We both live far away so we wouldn't be able to see each other a lot which wouldn't be to bad but I do like to cuddle and have dates or just go out and hang with friends. I guess I'm stuck where I am.

Later people.

What Am I To Do?

Hello people hell I don't even know if anyone is still reading so i don't really give.

Well anyway I have a little problem. I'm dating a guy but am totally crushing on my friend from Winnipeg. I mean he is everything I am looking for in a guy. He is funny, sweet, caring, loving life, he is always himself, and so much more that I can't even put it into words. I think he might be the one but I'm scared cuz I don't know how i would handle a long distance relationship. I am hoping for some feed back but you know maybe just writing about it will help.

Until Next Time People

Little Sisters

I don't know if anyone will read this but i don't really care. My little sister has been really pushing my buttons as of lately. I think she might be doing it because she is wanting to see how far she can push me before i snap at her. I also think that she just likes to make me mad. Well good luck to her cuz I'm going to be a b***** if she keeps it up.

Later people